To "WBTruth" Home Page click HERE
I arrived home from my Finance job at 7:30 after a long day’s work. Carol was just hanging up the telephone as I entered. “Mark, I just got off the phone with Judy Houser…you remember, the social worker that performed the home study for our adoption (our planned international adoption)."
Carol added, "She (Judy Howser) phoned to tell us that there are 9-month old identical twins available for adoption here in Melbourne. The family traveled here from Tennessee and they are staying at a nearby motel (Howard Johnson's). She wanted to know if we wanted to visit with the twins for the expressed purpose of adopting them - immediately. No time to waste.
On the drive over, my mind was filled with projections… how would we get clothes/cribs on such short notice? What if we don’t bond with them?… What is the criteria for choosing children after a single visit.? A tight ball of fear lay in my belly.
For better or worse (it ended up being better) I used very rudimentary logic. For example, someone else's pet is never the same as having your own. So I discarded the idea of imagining I would be taking in kids that I knew from other families. The twins would be ours. Much different.
What I also knew was that I had a cat (Pebbles). I loved that cat - my only pet. Then Carol and I got a dog named Gretel (pictured above). Gretel (being of a higher consciousness I suppose) was more dear to me than my cat. I loved Gretel a bit more. Just the way it was. Sorry cat lovers. So, I figured that according to the universe's "transitive property of consciousness," that I would love my kids more than Gretel. I was spot on. It worked. I was working with a property (certain) and not a theory (did I tell you I used to teach Geometry?).
We entered the room, along with the social worker (Judy Howser) and the owner of the adoption agency and warmly introduced ourselves to the birth parents. My immediate impression of the birth parents was that they were gentle, hardworking folks doing the best they could to care for six children. They were from Appalachia in northern Tennessee - one of the poorest parts of our country.
Billy was asleep in the crib; Jack was doing a “backward crab walk” across the bed. It became very apparent that Jack and Billy were not deprived of love or affection. They were happy and secure starting with the first night we had them. Quite frankly, I was amazed. It was as though Carol and I had been their parents all along.
Billy was then awakened and Carol and I played with the two boys for an hour – interspersed with questions and answers between the birth parents and ourselves. Billy took a real liking to Carol as he sat up in her arms – mesmerized as he stared up at her. I would later find out that Carol and I were chosen over other suitors (if that's the right word) that evening.
We left around 10:30 PM. Being that the birth parents had to soon return to Tennessee and that other couples were interested in meeting the children – we had to make a decision by noon the next day.
Thursday, September 10 2000 (7:00 AM)
Carol and I woke up in a daze. I can remember feeling physically nauseous over the import of the decision we faced. We shuffled and bantered about the house as we readied for the day – both of us resisting the daunting task that lay before us – making a lifetime decision. We were looking for a sign.
We called our minister and laid out the details in front of him. We certainly did not expect him to make the decision for us, but we were looking for his guidance and validation of our thought process. He helped frame the event from a broader perspective. He helped allay our fears of becoming “instant parents,” as he suggested that parenting is the most demanding job in the world for which few are adequately prepared. He observed that Carol and I were committed and respectful of each other and that we could bring to the boys only that which we have developed in ourselves.
A few minutes later the social worker called to check in with us. It was at this point that it was revealed the boys’ birthdays were December 20 – the same date as our anniversary date. I thought to myself – “A sign!! … A sign from God!! … They’re ours!! It was also revealed that this day (September 10) was the anniversary date of the passing of my Grandmother Robbins. The pieces were falling into place. We had originally planned to go to Russia to adopt two siblings – and here twin boys dropped in our lap. We would adopt them !!
Thursday, September 10 1998 (Noon)
We contacted our friends and exclaimed, “Can
we borrow some children’s car seats right away, we are adopting twin boys in
the next half hour!!” After our friends picked up their jaws from the ground,
we were provided the car seats and we were off to the adoption agency.
As we were awaiting the paperwork to be processed, we had a chance to spend some more time with the birth parents. Carol and I were flattered to hear that the birth parents were more comfortable with us and had chosen us over other couples who had visited. The obvious question soon arises in people’s minds is “How could they possibly relinquish these two adorable boys?”
Their response was that they simply weren’t able to provide the necessary time and attention that all of their children deserved and still make ends meet. Carol and I accepted the explanation at face value and concluded that their decision was carried out through their hearts and the through the guidance of their God. Carol and I chose to believe that in many respects, they are performing the greatest form of love for their children by doing what they feel will be for the highest good for these two young boys.
The most emotional moment came at the point of separation. The process was set up so that, though the birth parents met with us, they were never made aware of our names nor our residence. The attorney handling the process, in attempt to substantiate closure and to emphasize that a firm accord had been realized, stated “Please say your good-byes now.”
I could feel my heart sink to my stomach. After the parents tearfully planted kisses on the cheeks of the boys, Carly and I, now crying along with the birth parents...
embraced them and guaranteed that we would care for the children to the best of our abilities. In the short time we spent with the birth parents, we formed a real kinship and respect for each other and as a result, Carly and I feel tasked to do whatever it takes to provide an environment in which the boys can thrive.
Things to come
2016 Billy Prom King
Thursday, September 10, 6:00 PM
Carol and I arrived
home with the boys and it quickly became apparent that word had spread about
our “acquisitions.” Friends from the neighborhood and our church, as well as
Carol's friends from her activities (Book Club, Guardian ad
Litem program), poured into our home that evening with food, diapers, toys,
cribs, playpens, clothes, shoes, highchairs, strollers etc… Carol and I were
overwhelmed by the love and support we received. It felt like an Amish
barn-raising! We are blessed to have such solid, trusting friends and we
couldn’t have been more thankful and appreciative.
Next came the immensely pleasurable task of telephoning our families to share the wonderful news. Once the initial shock wore off, their next comment was “When’s the next flight to Melbourne?” Much later that night, with our hearts overflowing, Carol and I retired for bed with the firm belief that all of our needs would be taken care of.
Top Left: Nanna - My grandmother. Everything you ever wanted in a grandmother.
She was able to spend a few years with my twin boys.
Top right: Uncle Scott (Robbins) - my younger brother; I am # 3 of four sons)
Scott Robbins is an entrepreneur and stock trader and a
Very skilled and passionate Poker player
Middle left - Whitney Mills and Lindy Mills and my Nanna
Whitney and Lindy are daughters of my mom's brother (my Uncle Don) and his wife of 30 years Linden Mills
Uncle Don tragically passed away too soon in 2014.
------------------------------------------
Uncle Don Robbins (my brother) and Aunt Liz Robbins (sister-in-law)
Married 22 years
Both are professors at Flagler College St Augustine FL
Liz Robbins is a PhD (Ga State) and a renowned poet
Don Robbins has been a professional level golfer and tennis player and forner golf coach at Flager College.
-------------------------
Debbie Madden PhD - 25 year partner of my father, Bill Robbins and the love of his life. She lives in Dallas, Pa where she keeps in shape through participation in "Tough mudder and obstacle" events as well as other activities
------------------------------
Patriarch Walter Robbins deceased 1982
My Grandfather (Bill Robbins' father)
Driving force of Robbins Door and Sash Company
(8 distribution hubs / doors & windows)
Prior to Home Depot and Lowes
------------------------------
AT FIRST SIGHT!
No comments:
Post a Comment